yeah. i don’t know either, but i gotta tell you that christmas in astoria rules. people really go for it. they DECORATE. me? i like my haloween stuff, so i’m leaving it. no getting sad while i wind up those orange lights and put them away for another season. ima just wait till i don’t dig em anymore and THEN put up the white ones. i don’t care if it’s college dormish. christmas lights make me look pretty.
its a rollercoaster, people. i’m deliriously happy becsaue things couldn’t be more beautiful then i’m sad because major change has occured and i grieve what i left and i have to make new traditions for myself. then i’m having an anxiety attack becasue i’m convinced that if i my neck was a little more defined then those people that are all just probably just tolerating me (becsaue all this is a joke that’ll probably catch me right on the chin one of these days) would really like me and want to hang out with me. then i’m angry becasue i know better and how long am i going to listen to that fucking hand puppet that lives in my head who’s trying to kill me!?
dec 24: 26th st astoria
so once again. back to the breath. harder then it sounds right now. i’m trying to just stay present. just stay in the room and not wander off.
dec 30: e. 12th st manhattan
oh holy stars…let me just love and be loved in return.
teach me the greatest thing.