jesus christ!

uh….

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yeah. i don’t know either, but i gotta tell you that christmas in astoria rules. people really go for it. they DECORATE. me? i like my haloween stuff, so i’m leaving it. no getting sad while i wind up those orange lights and put them away for another season. ima just wait till i don’t dig em anymore and THEN put up the white ones. i don’t care if it’s college dormish. christmas lights make me look pretty.

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its a rollercoaster, people. i’m deliriously happy becsaue things couldn’t be more beautiful then i’m sad because major change has occured and i grieve what i left and i have to make new traditions for myself. then i’m having an anxiety attack becasue i’m convinced that if i my neck was a little more defined then those people that are all just probably just tolerating me (becsaue all this is a joke that’ll probably catch me right on the chin one of these days) would really like me and want to hang out with me. then i’m angry becasue i know better and how long am i going to listen to that fucking hand puppet that lives in my head who’s trying to kill me!?

oy.

dec 24: 26th st astoria
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so once again. back to the breath. harder then it sounds right now. i’m trying to just stay present. just stay in the room and not wander off.

dec 30: e. 12th st manhattan
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oh holy stars…let me just love and be loved in return.

teach me the greatest thing.