last night i heard my brother laugh and it had the exact cadence as my mom’s. i understand that this is one way that she is close by, now that she isn’t. i too share a mannerism - the absentminded twiddling of thumb against finger.
so weird, but i feel like i should have a kid now. i get it, the generational thing. i see how children complete the circle. i never really did before. i love kids. love to play with them and i am determined to work though a crying baby episode one day. but i never wanted children of my own. if anything i’m much more drawn to the ones that are already here and need some love. the strays. ach, who knows…
If your heart is in your dream
sometimes, in my dreams at night, i get to see friends that are long gone and it’s always so nice to be able to get that visit .
No request is too extreme
for a long time i thought that my luck had just ran out. i realized like a clap of thunder that sometimes i’m not going to get what i know deep down in my heart of hearts i deserve. i really could end up alone in a SRO never having done anything or been anyone. when i was little my dad said that god hears all our prayers and sometimes the answer is no. so i was like what’s the point of that? why bother?
When you wish upon a star
a lot later somebody told me that if i’d open myself up to people, god would open its self up to me.
As dreamers do
so here i am. here. with you.
sometimes it feels like i’m reaching out in the scary dark looking for the light switch, hoping that a monster doesn’t grab my hand.
know what i mean?