oh, ok.

i had no idea my guard was so up until i let it down.

apparently there’s a light burning brightly in here after all.

don’t you think its odd how sometimes shit’ll seem really bad, and then you eat a bagel or take a nap and suddenly everything’s ok?

sometimes i have a hard time expressing myself words-wise because i worry that i’ll think something totally different 10 minutes after i speak. you can’t ever take back the things you say. you can clarify, or appologize, or even reiterate. but once you’ve said something, its out there forever. its a struggle to know what to do.

and then. and then and then…

you just have to say fuckit. bla. i don’t know. bla…. and pray for safety with the knowlege that you can handle it if the poo hits the fan.

i hate hate hate going to bed on sunday night. always and forever.

for the second morning in a row, i woke up (on a work day) without the dread and fear. and as i was walking to the train, i felt like i was actually living in my own life and not rocking a cameo in someone else’s wierd nicotine patch dream.