i get mad

does anybody besides me remeber this?

i get mad. alot. my whole life. things just never ever seem right or fair. today i saw an old lady scraping the ice off of her steps with a SPATULA. and i hate how you have to walk around like none of this is happening. i used to have to hit myself because i couldn’t stand it. don’t wanna rattle anyone else cage! i just want to be like LOOK AT YOU! gimme that goddamn spatula! and take your extra large fur coat and kmart boots and have a smoke. allow me for crissakes. but the freakish old world greek ladies that live on my block give me the evil eye and therefore the shivers when i walk by.

so yeah. basically i don’t know how to deal with it and still have friends.
i used to just do tons of drugs and everything was fine, but that sorta backfired after a while and had to end. and people would be like “hey how are you?” and i be like “I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN 4 WEEKS! HOW DO YOU FUCKING THINK I AM?!”. so yeah that didn’t work either. so eventually i just put on the imaginary fake nails and imaginary BIG hair and an actual big ol grin and i just decided that everything was OK and that i was LUCKY TO BE ALIVE. and HOW ARE YOU?! and that’s how i’ve been for a very long long long time now.

but you know what?

i’m filled with mad. and my soul is ringing and i don’t even know why.

dropping the act. it hurts.